On His Majesty’s secret service at twice the age and half the cost - Susan Morrison

This re-branding keeps catching me out. It took me ages to make the switch from Opal Fruits to Starburst, and I still can’t look at a Snickers bar without seeing the word Marathon.

Making the "Majesty adjustment” from Her to Him could take a lot longer.

Why was the king pestering his people to write to me anyway?

For one wild moment I thought they were calling me up to defend the nation. At last, I thought, MI5 have realised that I am the spy they need. This is my call to action, 007 has had his day.

It’s time for 003.5, twice the age and half the cost. Well, I’m saying half. Given our recent gloomy weather I’ll do a mission anywhere sunny for the free first class flights and the posh hotel. Oh, all right then, Easyjet and a Travelodge.

I’d make a great spy because I can blend in anywhere, on account of being a short little old lady. Bond might do the fancy shmancy stuff at the roulette tables, all gussied up in a dinner suit and dicky-bow, but who expects to be spied upon by the cleaner, eh?

You just give me a high-vis vest and a Henry Hoover and I'm practically invisible.

Sadly, the letter did not contain a tape which would tell me my mission, then self-destruct in five seconds. It was a survey.

The good people who work for His Majesty want to know what I think about things, apparently, which is nice. To be honest, I don’t remember the Queen ever asking for my opinion, even though I swore to defend her back in the 1960s when I was a Girl Guide.

No idea what I thought I was going to do in the event of Her Majesty requiring emergency assistance during, say, a Soviet invasion, but I did study very hard for my semaphore badge.

Yes, it will take a while for me to get used to the His ‘n’ Hers name swop. I’m in a sort of post-Queen world. I’m still genuinely surprised by the sight of His Majesty on signs, envelopes and headlines.

A lawyer friend of mine changed all their email signatures to KC the day after the news from Balmoral. I thought QC sounded nicer, but I guess they don’t have a choice, really.

It’s bad enough trying to remember the change to the national anthem, although I get round this by never singing it. It’s such a dirge.

Now the Queen’s Gallery at Holyroodhouse has turned into the King’s Gallery, which seems a tad odd. After all, it was his mum’s, technically. I didn’t realise buildings’ names could change as well.

How far does this name-changing go? What about Queen Street Station? Queens Park Rangers? Pubs called The Queen’s Head? South Queensferry? And North?

Why even bother changing the names? We do still have a queen. Camilla got the shiny hat put on in the cathedral. Apparently that’s what makes "Her Majesty”.

Or what we could do is just not have Him, or Her. Then nothing changes. Wonder if that’s the sort of opinion the king wants?